Last night was Donald Trump’s speech to a joint session of Congress, and for the most part, both sides of the aisle thought it was a great speech.
Stephen Colbert felt differently.
Colbert broadcast his show live after Trump’s speech concluded, and said:
“Of course, it’s a really big night, and some in Congress dressed for the occasion. The female members of the House Democratic Caucus wore white in honor of Women’s Suffrage. While the Republicans wore white in honor of who elected them.”
The theme of Trump’s address, Colbert said, was “‘Renewal of the American Spirit,” which really just sounds like a Chinese bootleg of ‘Make America Great Again.’” On Trump’s announcement of a freeze on “non-essential government workers,” the host asked, “So, Kellyanne Conway is out?”
Later in his speech, Trump said he wanted to give priority to immigrants who can “support themselves” financially. “Just like the Statue of Liberty says, give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor they can’t afford a two-bedroom apartment,” Colbert said. As for Trump’s “optimistic” vision that “everything that is broken in our country can be fixed,” he replied, “Well, there’s one problem we can’t solve for four years, but other than that, I agree with you.”
When Trump said “we must support the victims of crime,” Colbert added, pointedly, “Unless they are plaintiffs against me. Those women are lying.” The president urged the country to leave the “trivial fights” behind, but Colbert predicted he’d be back tweeting things like, “Suck it, Nordstroms!” within the day.
“As we come to the end of tonight’s address to Congress, I think we can all agree on one thing,” Colbert said, gritting his teeth. “One down, seven to go.”
Colbert kicked this episode off with a cartoon reimagining of the president rehearsing his speech: