We are happy that the debates are all over, because they were brutal. You know what isn’t brutal? The Saturday Night Live skits each week lampooning the presidential candidates.
This week’d host is Tom Hanks, who played Fox News debate moderator Chris Wallace in this weekend’s cold open. Hanks, as Wallace, said, “It’s going to be a lot like the third Lord of the Rings movie. You don’t want to watch but, hey, you’ve come this far.”
“Tonight, I feast,” joked Kate McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton in her opening statement opposite Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump. She licked the butcher’s knife, ostensibly making this last debate Halloween-themed.
All of the major talking points from the final presidential debate were hit. Trump’s attention-grabbing abortion position and graphic monologue about late-term termination was reduced to Baldwin’s: “THEY ARE RIPPING BABIES OUT OF VAGINAS.” His Trump then downplayed the “bad hombres” comment, reassuring that he has good relations with Mexico: “Mr. Guacamole. Excuse me… Señor Guacamole.”
Hanks had a shining moment mocking the nationwide exhaustion over Clinton’s gloating about her 30 years of policy experience, complete with a humble brag about taking down Osama Bin Laden. Then she used the night’s buzziest moment—Trump’s crude dismissal of her as a “nasty woman”—as the perfect opportunity to capitalize on controversy for hocking #nastywomen-branded merchandise.
In their closing statements, Baldwin’s Trump claimed that he was winning “every poll taken outside of a Cracker Barrel,” which, is probably just about right. And Hillary? While some Trump supporters might be giving her an “F” in debate performance, she reassures voters that, if elected, “I promise to be a Stone Cold B.” Which, definitely.