Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson may run for president

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Duck Dynasty reality television star Phil Robertson has threatened the American people with becoming a Trump-like demagogue and running for President of the United States of America. One should quiver at the thought of such a disaster coming to pass.

Robertson spoke to a caller and agreed that “rising secularism” is the “greatest assault on Christianity” in the history of our great nation. Apparently, Mr. Robertson is not a fan of the freedom of speech, nor is he a believer in the freedom of religion which implies individuals are free to worship, or not worship, as they so choose. It merely happens that American society is waking up to the concept that traditional religious values are not in line with what American society purports to be, which is open and welcoming of ALL individuals and not just those who agree.

The Duck Dynasty imbecile went on to blame voters who “elect depraved souls”, while simultaneously being proud of his staunch conservatism. How does one contort themselves into such a pretzel avenue of logic? Robertson believes public schools should teach creationism, and those who disagree with him are murderers who work for Satan.

Robertson closed his rambling incoherence by threatening:

If they keep fooling around long enough, they’re going to force me to run. If you want to see a change in America, get me in there, dude, and there will be a big change then, if you all are ready for it.

He was, however, gracious enough to offer, “I can’t tell you how to vote.” Thank¬†whatever deity you like for that solemn fact.

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